Inspired & Thoughtful Questions

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Ms. Helen Verrey is a walking testimony!... And, while the world may never acknowledge her with superlative or award, I am recipient of her empathetic largess. 

Needless to say, my spirit reflects Thanksgiving for the quiet, incredible presence she has always been in my life. It was in a moment of reflection that I realized I have known the Verrey family for 17 years. For much of that time, our familial relationship was cultivated vicariously through close friendship with her son, Raymond. However, at Fourth of July cookouts at her home, I would marvel/wonder/question why this sweet lady and her sweet husband would entertain the shenanigans of a bunch of pre-professional hooligans whose only motivation and incentive for coming was to pop fireworks in the backyard. Lots of fireworks. Countless laughs would ensue annually. And, Mrs. Verrey would always ensure we never left hungry.

Fast-forward years beyond the passing of her husband, the selling of the family home, and relocation to a “mature-adult community”. She handled it all (from an outsiders perspective) with grace and humility. It was at the “mature-adult community” that my appreciation for her humor and companionship blossomed. She would entertain me--yet again—with stories of her love for crafts, retellings of family vacations (I seem to recall something of San Francisco), and excursions to doctor visits and lunch at the nearby Chinese restaurant. I laughed, cried, and  smiled aplenty in her presence. Even at transition to closer and more convenient care, I’d always beg Raymond for his mother’s location so I could visit. And each time Raymond would oblige; even saying, “you don’t have to do that.”

Growing up, on New Year’s day Mom would always say, “whatever you do on the first day of the year, you will spend the entire year doing.” Well, I went to see Mrs. Verrey January 1, 2018 in hopes that this visit would spur a year-long routine. She was asleep when I arrived; and only because I drove all the way out to Virginia (not that it was far; but it was Virginia), I woke her up. “Boney?,” she asked in wonderment. I confirm that I am, in fact, Boney. And she smiles.

I tell her of all that’s transpired since our last visit October 6: Arthur’s spirited health reversal, interactions with Auntie Joyce, Arthur’s ultimate and timely transition, and the like. And I read her the postings from some of these happenings, especially that which shares her advice regarding “questions.” She too is excited to hear of the impact of her words. I ask her how she feels and how she likes the new place. God-incidence: the new place is located on “Tis Well Drive”… She shares that she is happiest here; that all the staff are kind, and that her favorite person is the young man who picks her up from bed and places her in her wheelchair. There was something reverential in her statement. I noticed she even projected more calm here.

Since I woke her, I promised I wouldn’t stay long. I asked if she needed anything. She said, “just some snacks. Like some club crackers or Tasty Cakes.” I learned later she couldn’t have the sweets. But she tried it!... Following an exchange of farewells and a kiss on the forehead, I was back outside on Tis Well Drive! My spirit had been renewed and I looked forward to my next visit to Mrs. Verrey.

Again I say, be present. The blessing may be yours to receive…

Sunday, August 12, 2018

At the rising of today’s Sunday sun, Mrs. Helen Verrey negotiated an eternal and all-consuming peace. Aided by grace, she conformed to God’s purposeful plan for her life. A life of adventure, a life of constant and remedial learning, a life of child-bearing and child-rearing, a life of questionable and unquestionable faith, and most importantly, a life spent passing the peace and love to those in her orbit.

Now, I imagined that she and I had more days ahead, for the many questions I had formulated. And even at last Saturday’s visit to mark her 68thbirthday, while weak in body, her spirit radiated a joyful calm-- even if seasonal-- that still makes this morning’s news all the more unfathomable... I just can’t wrap my mind around it. Then I was reminded, “our thoughts are not God’s thoughts.”

So to that revelation, and in celebration of the life and unquestionable legacy of a kindred, I’ll continue to “question” my family and friends. Not in an attempt to “know” God’s thoughts, but in an attempt to “see” his thoughts and works made manifest in those I love. It is the great lesson imparted to me by Mrs. Verrey, and one for which I am eternally grateful!